GOOD BYE MY FRIEND, MY BROTHER HC

I was enjoying a day at the pool giving my youngest swim lessons when I received a phone call that no one ever wants, but will ultimately have to experience many in their lifetime.

An old friend had passed away and a family member had found him. I'm being vague out of respect for his family, but those who are in my circle knows him as a caring individual who never raised his voice, nor show any sort of inconsideration to his friends. I've known HC for 20 + years and never had bad words between us, which is rare for people who've known one another that long in this day and age. Although we weren't close, we had mutual respect for each other as people, as friends, as same members of the same fucked up fraternity. I could always count on him to roll up his sleeves to lend a hand when I needed him. We use to run the streets as kids for a short time, but built a lifetime of respect and memories. I can say he was a "Down ass Motherfucker!". Again, rare in this day and age.

My biggest regret is that I wasn't able to tattoo him before his passing. I've been struggling with this guilt for the last few days and don't really know how to shake it! HC had come to me about 2 years ago to get a tattoo to cover up some old gang tattoos he'd been carrying around for as long as I've known him. We all used to think they were so cool growing up, but real life happens as years roll by and for some of us, they were shameful reminders of our wasteful youth. At that time business was booming and my appointments were 6 -8 months out. None the less, I'd managed to squeeze HC in a little earlier and also said I would give him the usual homie deal, as he'd given me when I used to stop by his shop. When his appointment day neared, he'd cancelled. I don't know weather it was the money or time constraint, but I just brushed it off as I did with the usual cancellations. I knew he really wanted those "cover-ups" too. Looking back, I should have inquired a little bit more or put in a little more effort to working something out with him, but I was so wrapped up in my own hectic life to give a fuck.

Now he's gone and I feel like an ASSHOLE DOUCHE BAG!!!

I know tattooing him wouldn't have made a difference in his outcome, but at least I could have given him something more than friendship, he deserved better. Our paths crossed many times since his appointment with me and we were always cordial, but I'd rather our last fond memories of each other be more than trivial.

I don't know how or when I'll shake this guilt- or if I ever fully will, but it has made me reassess how I'm going to treat the people around me and value the ones in my circle a little more. I guess only time will tell. For now, I will mourn and remember HC as he was, a great friend, father, business man and one "Down ass Motherfucker!".

GOODBYE HC, I love you bro, I"ll tattoo you in heaven...I promise!